Brexit: A Masterclass in Shooting Yourself in the Foot – Twice

"The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt."— Bertrand Russell

There are bad decisions, and then there is Brexit—a masterclass in shooting yourself in the foot… twice. First, by voting to leave the EU in 2016, and second, by insisting it was a good idea even as the economy went into freefall. If self-sabotage were an Olympic sport, Britain would have won gold, set a world record, and then demanded the medal be sent via a customs-cleared shipment to avoid EU tariffs.

How to Ruin an Economy in Three Easy Steps

Brexit was sold as the dawn of a new era, a grand return to British greatness. The country would break free from Brussels' oppressive shackles, reclaim its sovereignty, and strike bold new trade deals. The reality? Britain left the EU and then spent the next eight years looking around like a man who just divorced his wife, only to realize he still lives in her house, eats her food, and needs her WiFi password.

Step 1: Lie Through Your Teeth

Brexit was marketed with the finesse of a used car salesman trying to offload a vehicle that’s been underwater.

• "£350 million a week for the NHS!"→ That promise lasted about as long as Liz Truss in office. Instead of more funding, the NHS is now in crisis, short of doctors, nurses, and—ironically—EU staff who once filled the gaps.

• "Taking back control!"→ Control of what, exactly? Inflation? GDP growth? Oh wait, no—Britain "took back control" of the ability to queue for hours at EU border checks.

• "We will be free to make our own trade deals!"→ And so they did. The UK’s new trade deals are essentially worse copies of what they already had under the EU. Britain proudly signed a deal with Australia that benefits Australian farmers far more than British ones. As for that “special relationship” with the US? Washington responded with a resounding "Nah, mate."

Step 2: Make Everything More Complicated

Brexit was supposed to cut red tape, but it ended up creating more paperwork than a Kafka novel. Businesses that once traded freely across Europe now spend their days filling out customs declarations, VAT forms, and border clearance requests. It’s as if Britain wanted sovereignty so badly that it decided to govern itself with endless bureaucracy just for the thrill of it.

The funniest part? The government had to create a Brexit Opportunities Minister—a position whose only real job was pretending those opportunities actually exist. Spoiler alert: He resigned after failing to find any.

Step 3: Double Down on the Disaster

By now, most rational countries would admit they’d made a mistake. But not Britain. Instead of rethinking its strategy, it has embraced the philosophy of “if it’s broken, break it harder.” The economy is stagnating, businesses are leaving, and workers are in short supply. And yet, the response from hardline Brexiteers remains:

"We just need to Brexit harder!"

It’s like watching someone set their own house on fire and then argue that the real problem was not using enough petrol.

No Way Back? Or Just No Clue?

So, could Britain rejoin the EU? Technically, yes. But realistically? That’s about as likely as Boris Johnson finishing a sentence without contradicting himself.

If Britain wanted back in, it would need to:

• Adopt the euro. The same British tabloids that screamed about “EU tyranny” would have a meltdown.

• Accept EU laws without special treatment. No more “bespoke deals” or “cherry-picking.” Just the standard membership rules—take it or leave it.

• Rebuild trust. After years of blaming Brussels for everything from immigration to bad weather, that’s about as easy as convincing an ex to remarry you after you've spent years badmouthing them to mutual friends.

The EU, meanwhile, has moved on. Britain is now like the guest who stormed out of the party shouting, "You'll miss me when I'm gone!"—only to find the party is still going strong, and nobody even noticed they left.

The Ultimate Brexit Irony

The UK left the EU for three main reasons:

1. To reduce bureaucracy → It now has more bureaucracy.

2. To control immigration → Immigration is still high, but with more logistical headaches.

3. To boost trade → Trade has collapsed, and businesses are relocating to the EU.

Or, as Oscar Wilde might put it:"There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it."

Britain wanted Brexit. The tragedy is that now, it has to live with it.

Final Thought: A Nation in Denial

Brexit isn’t just a failed policy—it’s a national identity crisis played out on a global stage. The UK didn’t just leave the EU; it left behind common sense. And now, as Europe moves forward, Britain remains stuck in a Brexit-induced fever dream, waving its blue passport like a participation trophy and pretending everything is fine.

But hey, at least they got rid of those pesky EU laws that required their vacuum cleaners to be energy-efficient. A true victory for sovereignty.